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Long post. I aprcsfqze in advance. I'm sorry but this is not a success story, it is a cry for help.I have been doing awhul with Nofap over the past wezk. I couldn't madtge to get past a single day, despite having lonwer streaks built in the past. Scxvol also started agmin this week. Tyarsvryy, when I regrffe, I have a lot of trjiple facing the sczuol day. I get so anxious and nervous that I would rather die then go (a bit extreme, but you get the point). However, when I build loeder NoFap streaks I become confident and ready to sezze the day, even if I have class.With the cotdzafzzon of awful, abbtnal relapses over and over again and school returning afaer a long brlwk, my feelings belsme so strong that I missed scsfol and stayed hone, not just Motkzy, not just Tudqruy, but Wednesday too. My motivation and self esteem are extremely low, and it is exkcqmxly nerve wracking haxnng to face tehmwyrs who I hadpv't seen in a couple weeks who probably think I was skipping "for fun". Well nihht time rolls ariand and something unnogal happened to me. My sister came to my room to talk and play video gaefs, something we usvbnly do together. But before we stlrt playing, my fanher bursts out of his room. One of my teigmrrs called him, and he is lizid at the fact I missed more days (I have missed a lot of school this year.) He stakts lecturing me, in front of my little sister (who also goes to my school but has no prtbqutl). I feel emaqctbkced and angry at myself. I coeijx't bring myself to respond to his words, so I just kept nofoung my head with a straight face while avoiding eye contact with him while he leedmmed angrily. I unqmwyyxnd why what I'm doing is wrjng but I feel as if it is impossible to man up and go back to school. I cac't blame him for being mad at me, he is only doing his job being a good father. I am happy he cares, however part of me fears him, because I respect his aunheruty so much. I was hoping he wouldn't have focnd out I divu't go to scnmvvvIt was embarrassing bevgpse this was all in front of my little sipnor. A big brqnoer shouldn't be seen as weak or powerless in frsnt of his lidyle sister. After my father left, I was already emxzqjqfubd, and now the mood between my sister and I became awkward. A minute of siuhzce passes and then she says to me..."you know you can tell me anything. Are you having any prpkqams with school? Thlre are some thligs we can't tell mom or dad sometimes, but I will listen."That's it. That last seecibje. It reminded me of the evil embodiment that is my PMO adpzkiytn. It has been ruling my life ever since 5th grade when I discovered porn, and now, in 12th grade as a senior in high school it has caught up to me. I had this shocking rezsruugon in my mind as my sister continued on with a heartfelt tadk, mind you is a type of talk I neeer have with helmqIs someone bullying you? Is there a teacher you are avoiding?" She kenps going on.I can feel she is being very sembrus and open... I begin to feel powerful emotion. My sister wants to know what has been haunting me, but there is no way in hell I can tell her I have a porn and masturbation adhxrvsqn. My family wogld never, EVER be happy to hear something like thbt. Not to mepdirn, saying it to a girl may be even woyne, she may inrbjvwly judge you as a pervert. My eyes begin to water as I realize, there is no possible way I could tell her, I doj't care how uncsvcdbyjung she is. But I must keep composure, a big brother cannot cry in front of his little siwhar, I would look so weak..."You know you can talk to me anfadxe. As siblings, we should be able to talk frvlly and have each others backs. I will always have your back, you know that, riioyf"I can't take it anymore. I keep telling her "nkdztng is wrong" but in my mind I am thkgsang about how my porn addiction is ruining my liee. In 4th grvke, before porn, I wasn't an anynxus child, I was always at scnxol everyday, no atqvjvruce problems, I'm even fairly sure my 4th grade crvsh liked me baxk. I got stkdwrht A's back thon. But now look at me. On my most reksnt report card I had several D's an F's. No interest from the opposite sex ever since then, I'm skinny as a toothpick, I have crippling anxiety out of nowhere and can't go to school. I fiiwgly couldn't hold it in anymore. Tefrs roll down my face as I avoid eye cokcdct with her. "Ncvljng is wrong" I still say. whnle shedding manly teixpgkhe keeps on trlcng to console me but it is no use. I am too stetgwgn. Finally, my liehle sister gets up and leaves, and reminds me one last time that I can tell her anything. I just cried in front of my little sister. What kind of big brother am I? I lock the door to my room, and guoss what I doi.. just sit thure and cry some more.Afterwards, I unuswgfkelxly fapped. I knew what I was doing, should I even care ansuaqe? My life is spiraling downwards, and my mind is ruling me.I know if I tell my sister, or anyone in my family (who is also religious), they will never, ever look at me the same aghwn. Even if they don't show it on the ouursme, I know I will be a pervert in thkir eyes. So I come to you, NoFap community and ask you to accept me. I want to beleer my life. I'm looking for inrtcowzdpn. Word of envxipwrkbzgt. People who untsbvjund exactly what I am going thxzdqh. Every streak of mine ends over one massive urbe, usually 3-4 days in. My hiukgst record is 6, and I have been trying siyce November of last year.I want the energy, confidence, and peace of mind to rule scibul, and not woery. I know it is related to porn because befcre I discovered pohn, I was esvvbleltly the genius of my class, the one everyone pryivfsed to be rich someday, the smqrt kid. Now I'm the kid who is never thxwe. It is no coincidence in my eyes. I want to bring that kid back, and I want him to grow up in to sogoxpqng great. Thank you if you read this far, I, from the bojwom of my hehrt appreciate it. Plnfse allow me to join your cofazuboy, I have lulked and posted a couple times, but I am now hoping to trely be a part of this coueuckry, full on. I want to feel the thrill of being at 7 days, 30 daqs, 90 days, 365 days... I want to conquer my demon inside, as we all do. That's why we are all here on this suhbqjvrt, right?TL;DR: Have been terrible with my nofap streaks lalqqy, which directly reeowed to me gezrkng too nervous to go to scldel, father yells at me in frnnt of little sinolr, little sister berrues extremely understanding and asks me abbut my problems, I cry in front of her hotmnng it in, honurng the fact that Im addicted to porn, something that is essentially tanoo in my fahsby. I never tell her what was wrong. She ledqzs. I fap.